My Plan vs. My Portion

While reading A Deeper Kind of Calm a couple of days ago Linda Dillow talked about our plan vs. our portion. Listing a number of examples she stated that she had planned certain activities and had certain expectations for her life and circumstances but her portion turned out to be much different. It was an interesting read at the time. Today it became more real for me. My plan: Jason is on fall break, but Isabel and Acacia are back in school. For a few hours of the day there were only 2 kids at home instead of 4 and my husband was home to help. Yipee! I get to finally sit down and scrapbook, my passion and something I don’t have a lot of time for. Jason agreed that this was to be a scrapbooking day and he would take care of the kids so that I could do it without interruption.

My (our) portion: Jason took the boys with him to run a few errands just after Acacia went to school. After folding some laundry I would sit down and begin my work on the kids’ books. However, at the carwash there was a problem; one of the workers didn’t know how to work our automatic side doors on the van and broke it. Jason called me and we were a little unsure of what to do. He had the boys and I don’t have a working remote to the car, the only vehicle available for me to be able to come and help him. The van door was stuck in the open position and he certainly couldn’t drive the boys home with the side door open. Well, we thought we’d try the non-working remote and see if today it would work. By God’s grace, the remote worked today and I was able to rush to Jason, James and Brenton at the carwash.

By this time it was time for Brenton to eat again so we transferred the boys to the car and Jason drove the van to the dealership with the side door open and I followed in the car. Brenton had a little snack while we waited for the damage report. However, that was going to take a few hours so we all got in the car and headed home. Will I get to scrapbook now? Well, not yet as James hadn’t had lunch yet and it was about 1:30. I got lunch together and then it was time to pick up Acacia from school. We got the call from the dealership just after picking her up with the grave news. While Jason received the call I left to go get Isabel from school. It turns out that because of the door being forced open the motor was burned out along with some other problems that I can’t explain here because I’m really not sure what they were. The result: $900 and the van being in rehab until Sunday. Now what do we do with four kids in car seats with our little Honda Accord? Isabel got home from school and we sat down to work on homework and Jason got a call for us to go pick up a rental. He just walked in the door, it is now 5:30 and time for me to start dinner very soon.

Have I scrapbooked yet? Nope. My plan: relax, do what I want to do. My portion: a $900 van repair bill and a day of being all over Santa Clarita as well as doing the normal at home (making food, homework, caring for baby, etc.). I am so thankful for the beautiful insights shared by Linda Dillow a few days ago to prepare me for today. How often does our plan match our portion? Yet, through it all I have been reminded that God knew this would be our portion for today so therefore it was His plan even though it wasn’t mine. It would be very easy to despair at these circumstances but by God’s grace and an answer to a prayer I prayed yesterday that His Spirit would anoint my mind and grant me peace, I am currently at peace about these circumstances.

Dillow refers to Psalm 77 where Asaph despairs, and feels forgotten by God; yet he makes a conscious choice to remember the goodness of the LORD instead of the disparity of his circumstances. Today, I will make a conscious choice to “not travel on the track of pain that descends into darkness; instead, I will shift to the track that embraces WHO God is and WHAT He has done in the past.” I just pray that He will continue to sustain me tomorrow when I may not feel like choosing this path. What did God do for us today even though my plan was not realized? He caused the un-working remote to work so that I could get to Jason and help him and get our boys home. He allowed such a situation to occur when Jason was home on break instead of having it happen to me, alone with four kids. He has given us a savings account that will cover the cost of the repairs, even if we didn’t want to use if for this, the money is there and we don’t need to worry. He has reminded me that His plan is perfect and therefore I and my family is never out of His care. He was not surprised by our day, so I don’t need to be either. I am so grateful for a heart that can recognize His goodness today as that has not been so easy for me lately. O God, may I always remember how good You are!!